Forgive Me For This: Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey covers Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is" and all I want to know is why I love it so much. I'm digging the music video too. I can't embed it from YouTube, but you can watch it here. She even features a gay couple in there, which is super.

Forgive me for this - it truly is a guilty pleasure. At least her album's name is stupid ("Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel") and she's still married to Nick Cannon. If not for these huge errors of judgment, I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive myself.

I Want To Know What Love Is - Mariah Carey

Song of the Mo: Ray of Light (cover)

Not the hugest fan of Snow Patrol, but I like this cover of Madonna's "Ray of Light" enough. One of the greatest things about the original is the energy, which this one obviously lacks. However, that lack of energy surprisingly works for me and sort of redefines the perspective. Instead of speeding through space, we feel like we're floating in it, watching everything speed past us.

Homecoming Anthropology

One of my favorite things about coming home after a few months away is the new discoveries I find around the house. It seems that this time, there are a multitude of things that have changed or been added in my absence.

First up, the fridge. Now for as long as I can remember, there's always been at least one picture of me up on the fridge. Over the years, the solo shots were consolidated to group shots of all 3 siblings, in order to make room for new family members. But, it seems that all 3 of us have been booted for good. Our fridge is now dominated by my nephew, Tyler and my cousins, Jake, Lexie and Max. And, of course, for good measure, there's plenty of religious hodge-podge on the other side (not pictured). Jesus would be proud.

Now, the next thing I noticed was our pantry. I was hungry after a long flight and drive down to the house, so I thought I might hold myself over until dinner with a bowl of cereal. Well, to my surprise, as soon as I opened the pantry door, I was bombarded with an absurd amount of soup cans filling up multiple levels of shelves. I tried to logically reason this. Maybe there's a holiday canned food drive coming. Maybe my mom is one of the millions buying into the 2012 phenomenon and is just preparing for the second coming of Y2K. Maybe we're just going to eat a lot of soup for Thanksgiving. Well, I asked her. She's just stocking up. She finds coupons and I suppose it's better to buy them in bulk at a cheap price then to buy them when you need them. There's also an entire drawer in the bathroom filled with tubes of toothpaste.

The third thing that caught my eye was my old Holy Communion picture. Now, this isn't new and it hasn't changed, but I haven't noticed it in a while and it really caught my eye this time. For some reason, I just find this picture incredibly funny. I look like I'm being groomed to be the next Fox News political pundit. I can see myself stomping the White House lawn demanding tax cuts for the rich and insisting on sending immigrants back to "where they came from." That smile is pretty unctuous and I have my suspicions about my younger, religious self (mind you, I'm not sure he ever existed, but if he did, you're looking at him in this picture). I'm weary of this shifty character displayed in this obnoxiously posed portrait. I'm sure immediately after the shoot, I may have spouted off some comments praising the Reagan administration and accusing my liberal peers around me of engaging in lefty propaganda. Those are some pretty spiffy bangs too.

Some other highlights include my old bedroom with an elliptical where the bed used to be and New Moon in my mom's inbox.

Good times. Good times indeed.

Weekly WTF?: Gimme Dat Christian Side Hug

Christians are silly. I love YouTube.

These kids are operating under the belief that Jesus never hugged anyone. No, I'm not making it up - they say it in their little ditty. There's so much irony in this song that it has to be contrived. For instance, throughout the song, they rap they're "Rough Riders" - like the condom? And what's with the gunshots? - the kids all fall dead at the end of the rap acting like they got shot. Was that a stipulation put in by the NRA? But, guess what? It's for real. This actually happened at a Christian youth conference.

Oh, and FYI:

Happy Thanksgiving?

Nothing like a downer on Thanksgiving day.

Thank you, Mr. Burroughs.

W. S. Burroughs - thanksgiving prayer -
by Maetthew

I'd like to add a few more to that list:

1) Thanks for upholding the double standard, most recently displayed with Adam Lambert's same-sex kiss on national television. What was okay for Madonna and Britney (non-homos) isn't okay for the real sinners.
2) Thanks to the cleverest of Americans who find the time to create images depicting Michelle Obama as a monkey.
3) Thank you Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh (you never disappoint!), Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Bill O'Reilly for your relentlessness in pursuing "truth" in "journalism".
4) Thanks, Carrie Prejean for providing me with lots of material this year, but also for really sticking it to those who dare cross into the land of the "inappopriate".
5) Thanks to the dedicated TSA employees who threatened to report me to the cops when I refused to ruin my luggage by stuffing it in their metal, carry-on measurement contraption at the front of the airport security line.
6) And here's a SINCERE thanks to the fine reporting of Anne Curry, showcasing her talents recently whilst informing us about Paula Deen's unfortunate encounter with an 8 pound ham. Yes, puns are ALWAYS appropriate.



HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thanksgiving Tips from Helen

Helen, over at Margaret and Helen, shares with us the list of dos and don'ts she's made for her family for Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm still laughing. You tell 'em, Helen!

1. Cloe. I am begging you honey. None of that Jello crap. No one eats it and the garbage stinks for a week after I throw it out. You and Jello are like Palin and McCain. How many times before you learn no one wants seconds much less firsts.
2. Jennifer. Your children are cute. We all can agree on that. Your husband’s video camera capturing every runny nose and bowel movement– not so much. Keep this up honey and you’ll have one posing for Playgirl before you know it. It’s just not natural to be that comfortable in front of a camera. Ten minutes of video when you first arrive and then the camera goes back into the camera bag.
3. Trudy. If your brother and sister want to come, they can be on time like everyone else. If they are late again this year, they can eat what the dogs don’t finish.
4. Rhonda. It’s my oven and once again I’ll be using it right up until mealtime. If you can’t bring something that doesn’t require heating, then don’t bring anything at all.
5. Mary. Your kid’s dirty shoes and my clean sofa have never met. Let’s keep it that way.
6. If you are a meat-eater, try a vegetable for your health. If you are a vegetarian, try the stuffing for the bacon. Either way, you’ll be cured of what ails you.
7. If I see one grandchild doing that texting stuff, there will be no pie for dessert. If I see one parent checking email… scratch that – new rule. Leave your cell phone in your car. They used to be called mobile phones for a reason. Now-a-days the only thing mobile about your phone is your thumbs. Trust me. Skinny thumbs and a fat ass are not a good look.
8. Jonathan. How a Republican ended up in this family is beyond me, but we love you all the same. That said, Reagan is dead darling. Get over it.
9. I cooked the meal. Your grandfather paid for it. You can clean the kitchen and we’ll call it even.
10. Honestly, if you insist on bringing anything, bring some butter. I go through about 20 sticks to get this meal on the table and I might as well start stocking up for Christmas now.
11. Marshall. I am sure you believe that your children sing beautifully. Don’t put me in a situation where I have to make you question your beliefs.
12. Grandpa Harold says if the Longhorns win, the bar is open. If they lose, the party is BYOB.

Memory and Life

It's hard to believe that it's been almost 9 months since my father passed away. When I think back to 9 months ago, it's hard to really remember everything that was going on. I had just resigned from the Peace Corps, was taking care of my father, and in the end, was spending all day in the hospital with my step-mom and sister, amongst a cast of rotating family members and friends of my father's.

While it is so difficult to remember, I have an acute awareness to every detail of what was going on. I know this seems to contradict the whole "not remembering" thing, but it's almost as if I was outside of myself. When I think back to the memories of this time, I don't see things from my own eyes; rather, I see everything from a bird's eye view. I see myself in pictures and memories like I'm watching a film. I see snapshots, frozen in time, sometimes blurry like paintings, but completely realistic.

There are things I will always associate with this time: cell phone tetris (which I played compulsively in order to avoid all the drama that was happening when there were more than 3 people in the hospital room), the crummy parking garage at the hospital, eating cereal in the cafeteria, candied pineapple from Whole Foods, and a bunch of other stuff that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else.

I've always been fascinated with memory - mainly because I have a notoriously bad one. This year has been one of the most fascinating years of my life in term of memory retention. Everything is pretty vivid, whereas before everything was sort of murky and unimportant. It's been a pretty remarkable year. I started it as a Peace Corps volunteer in Moldova and 2 months later was at my father's funeral. I moved to Seattle and started life over again and later found myself cutting through the rugged Norwegian landscape aboard a train. And I started a new job.

If there's anything I've learned this year, it's that life is fleeting. There's no time to get lost in the complications of it. There's no time to waste in front of the TV for hours at a time. There's no time to make excuses for not going on your dream vacation. There's no time for staying in a dead end job that makes you miserable. I live by the day and I determine my future based on happiness and fulfillment. People say "life is short" all the time. Is it? It's only short if you live it this way. If I died tomorrow, I'm not so sure my life would have been cut "short". I've done a lot in my almost 27 years of life. The ratio of things that I'm proud of greatly outweighs things I regret or wish I could change. I've lived my life, and will continue to live my life, with purpose and urgency. It may seem naive, but I'm happy and satisfied.

In the vein of all of this talk of memory, I recently came upon these pictures of me, my dad and my sister that were saved on my external hard drive. Now these are times I absolutely cannot recall for the life of me - but, they're still important to me and it's nice to look at pictures in order to help fill in the blank periods of time for which I have absolutely no recollection.

Weekly WTF?: Terrorism for the Holidays

"Snow globes are not permitted to be carried through security checkpoints," said Transportation Security Administration spokesman Dwayne Baird.

Snow globe? Snow bomb, more like. Obviously.

The reason is that the globes contain liquids, and TSA rules say that only liquids, gels or aerosols in containers of three ounces or less are allowed through security in carry-on bags. Could we change our minds if we called them "freedom globes" instead?

If you've seen "Unfaithful" you know just how dangerous a snow globe can really be. The snow globe's liquid is the last thing we should be worried about.

I Most Certainly Approve: Paris, Je T'aime

A few years ago, I saw the film "Paris, Je T'aime" - a collection of short films put together into one movie. They've recently created a "New York, I Love You" in the same vein, but I've heard that it's not nearly as good.

There was one segment of this film that stuck out to me when I first saw it. The segment is called "14th Arrondisement" and it's directed by Alexander Payne ("Election", "Sideways"). It revolves around a middle-aged white, American woman traveling Paris for the first time, all by herself. It's humorous and a bit silly, but it packs an emotional punch that hits you out of nowhere. At first you start to laugh along with the absurdity of this woman's experiences, but by the end you want to cry.

I've often felt the way this woman feels when I travel abroad on my own. I love it for the independence and freedom to do what I want, when I want; however, there are definitely times when I see something or do something that makes me wish I was there with someone else. Being with another person to share in the overwhelming beauty of a landscape or the incredible discovery of a new food is something that cannot be matched.



I also love this clip because the woman's French is so awful that I don't even have to read the subtitles. I can literally understand every word she is saying in French and it makes me happy to know that I haven't lost it all.

This segment ("Le Marais" by Gus Van Sant) rivals the other for my favorite of the compilation. All in all, a movie definitely worthy of renting if you haven't seen it already. I most certainly approve.

Eat Your Vegetables!

I used to be a vegetarian back in high school/college for a few years. Then I started eating all meat again. I've recently given up most meat (except chicken and turkey - mainly for health reasons) and I am constantly enticed by becoming a full blown vegetarian again. My main issue, though is that I'm allergic to so much stuff that vegetarians constantly use in their diets. I have an allergy to legumes, which includes, but is not limited to: peanuts, soy, peas, lima beans, chickpeas, garbanzo beans, kidney beans, etc., etc., etc.

I'm sure there's a way, though. And after seeing this awesome ad from the International Vegetarian Union, I'm totally convinced.


















































So cool. The idea of having all this natural stuff in your body, with no chemicals or weird growth hormones is so refreshing. Totally digging it.

Song of the Mo: Bad Romance

I couldn't resist. This video is badass and I have no shame in admitting that I like Lady Gaga. She's absolutely nuts (which I've noted many times here), but she's innovative and I find her spectacular.

The video for her new single, "Bad Romance" is definitely something that needs to be seen. It's weird (expected) and kind of sad (unexpected?).

Florida? Or Just Happy to See Me?

Oh man, this one is a winner for sure. I really never tire hearing about how teachers make the dumbest mistakes in front of students. I was a teacher myself for a few years and while inappropriate comments related to teaching material would often come up in my mind, I knew better than to share those silly revelations with my 6th graders. The folks over at DetentionSlip never cease to entertain with their reporting on such stories.

A Kansas City 8th grade science teacher got fired for comparing the shape of Florida to an erect penis. If you read the article, it's interesting because he never even says the words "erect" or "penis". Apparently, he draws a map of the US, Florida is out of proportion, a student calls him out on it and he says, "Florida got excited." Inappropriate? Probably. Does the guy deserve to be fired? Hell no. Especially when you know every 8th grade boy in that class was thinking the exact same thing before he even pointed it out. If he called Florida a penis to a class of 1st graders, we might have a bigger problem.

Turns out his students are pissed. Several students cut class to protest and many have been picketing on street corners demanding that he be allowed back. To have a bunch of 8th graders go out on a limb like that for a teacher? This guy must be good. Let him back in. The parents agree. A ton of them showed up to the termination hearing to urge the board to keep him.

But don't get your hopes up. With every glimmer of hope, there's a bitter bureaucrat waiting to bring the buzzkill. From the article:

"Leigh Anne Neal, a district spokeswoman, said the student demonstrators will be marked as absent without an excuse. School officials notified the students and the parents of the students who demonstrated outside the school rather than attend class that they will not receive credit for missed work."

Ugh! These kinds of administrators are the worrrrrrrrrrst. Standing behind a decision just to stand behind it. If you ask me, these are the people we should be keeping our kids away from. As far as I'm concerned, Leigh Anne Neal can go suck a Florida.

Legally Blonde/Legally Bound?

Just when I (almost) starting standing up for her a little bit, Carrie Prejean, the idiotic former Miss California who suddenly, out of nowhere became chief conductor of the cuckoo train, displayed this winner of an interview with Larry King. She has the audacity to call Larry King "inappropriate" and then just sits there like a MORON! See for yourself:

Her book is titled, Still Standing - I don't get it. Where's the pageant pun? Also, how is this title still available? I feel like this is a pre-packaged, go-to title for autobiographies - I guess I just answered my own question. I guess the more important question here is, how did she write a book and who cares enough about her to read it? I know millions are going to buy it, just like they did Sarah Palin's Nazi hockey mom manifesto, but I still can't help being shocked by stupid shit like this.

Carrie Prejean - Conservative, Nut-case Robot status = confirmed.

Chug, Chug, Chug ... Choo! Choo!

Holy cow. This is a true example of a "close call". A completely wasted woman in Boston, falls onto the tracks of the subway. Thank goodness for frantic bystanders.

Song of the Mo: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots

Another one that just came up on my shuffle playlist. When I first heard this song, I played it on repeat like a thousand times. So, eventually I got sick of it. It's been a couple of years since I heard it, so it's nice to enjoy it again.

Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt.1 - The Flaming Lips

Absurdity, via Tweet. Now Available!

I have recently determined that my life is, in fact, totally interesting and worthy of a public following. Wow, who's the hypocrite now? (see last post)

Follow me on Twitter. I'm learning it for work so figured I'd start my own too. http://twitter.com/jesuismike

Weekly WTF?: Miss-representing California

I can't believe people hold events like this. I actually think Miss California was probably more moderate before the whole "gay marriage" hoopla. Now the right-wing has just sucked her in and she's totally gone whacko. It really is too bad. I mean, a year ago I was with everyone else who was vilifying her, but now I just sort of feel bad for the girl. Gay rights controversy + revelation of fake boobies + alleged sex tape = a ruined life.

Careful what you wish for.

So, did anyone go to this event last night? Let me know how it went. I'm dying to know. Those GWB and Bill Clinton lookalikes look pretty spot on. Lovin' the shades.

I Most Certainly Approve

Oh. My. God.

This is the best thing to ever come out of that silly show, "Glee".

Two things:

1) Why am I almost 27 years old and still can't grow a beard?

2) Where do I find this man so I can marry him? No, for real.

I most certainly approve.

The Pitcher of Water Set Me Off

I just laughed for 10 minutes straight after seeing this. It's so stupid, but it cracked my shit up. Could it be that I didn't eat dinner last night and drank a little too much and still feel like I'm wasted? Perhaps.

Class Act: My Baby's Father's Facebook Account

Shaka Cobb (for real) and Ebony Smith, two teachers in Atlanta, recently got in a heated, violent dispute in front of students regarding quite the interesting love triangle.

You see, Shaka was like, "Bitch, that's my baby daddy. Step off!" And then Ebony was like, "Hell no, he don't love you the way loves me." At which point an overly eager student chimed in, "I believe it's, 'he doesn't love you', Ms. Smith." Then, Shaka was like, "That's right, Hermione, ten points to Gryffindor!" And Shaka was like, "Why you gotta do me like that, Granger?"

Ok, at least that's how it's all happening in my head.

For more on this story, go directly to the news source: Teachers fight over man in front of students.

Thanks to Detention Slip for this winner.