Missed Connections

Sorry for the lack of posts lately - I've been incapacitated with the worst heartburn of my life for the past couple of days, in addition to a killer sore throat that persists regardless of how many cough drops I throw down there. After what seemed like fruitless attempts at easing the little demons on holiday underneath my ribcage with Pepto Bismol, Pepcid AC, Tums, and Mylanta, I miraculously woke this morning free of chest pain - hurrah! However, the feeling of swallowing several little knives with each sandpapery gulp dashed any hope of healthy celebration.

Anyway, in my sickly state it seems I've developed a new pasttime. All that CD buying at Goodwill was getting expensive and frankly, gave me quite the backache - no alphabetical system, all in bins less than three feet...oy! I'll never vanquish that vice permanently, but lately I've found a much cheaper, instantly gratifying hobby - reading the missed connection ads on Craigslist.

The romance! The scandal! The sex! The horror! Reading these ads is like living out a movie - a fantasy where I can make up scenarios in my brain about how exactly these missed connections came about. It's a geeky escape from the world for me - ironic since these people are legitimately looking for others they almost met in reality.

I thought I'd share a few of my recent favorites from Seattle.


Big Brothers Big Sisters - m4w - 25 (Everett)

You were making gulping noises after Dusty was drinking out loud. That was funny. I would like to hang out with you. I wanted to ask you to join me for a drink, but I'm a little shy when it comes to that. Well I hope you get this. Have a good night.

There are 2 things that get me with this one: 1) "drinking out loud" - how brilliantly confusing, although I have a feeling I know exactly what he's talking about; and 2) the title, "Big Brothers, Big Sisters" has nothing to do with the ad (at least for us readers). That's where the fantasy comes in - are they both volunteers there? Is he totally crossing the line by asking out his mentee? Oh, the possibilities are endless!


It's all about me - w4w - 34 (in your head)

Every day I passive aggressively wander through the ads wondering if one of these is you. And even better yet I respond to any hint that it could be you writing about me. If I see an ad that says "looking for a woman" I automatically assume it must be about me if there is love written about. Any romantic pie in the sky post I think it's me. I take any clue and run with it. Moonbeams? Oh yeah, we did look at the moon one time. Holding hands in a park? Yes! There was our first date! ! I am that egotistical and lost without you and I cannot just pick up the phone like a real adult.

So ladies please keep writing about your moonbeams and your unrealistic Hollywood romantic endeavors wrapped up in a neat little bow. I will respond because I have no life and everything must be about me. If I miss your ad I guarantee someone else will respond because there will always be those that can't confront their romantic partners, those who can't buy condoms or tampons without getting embarassed, those who are just too damn passive aggressive and have to look in missed connections!

Well, at least she's honest, albeit passive aggressively.

Blacked out hookup - m4m - 25 (Capitol hill)

Ok Soooo I went to Rplace last night and obviously drank WAY too much. I guess I brought someone home but all I remember is the sex (and only in flashbacks) and that you had an amazing penis. It was just the right size. I'm sorry I don't remember what you looked like or your name and you didn't stick around till the morning for me to find out. So If you were at Rplace last night and hooked up with a guy and think this might be you, could you please lemme know who you are so I can put a face and name to a penis haha. I'm simply curious is all.

I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. It might go without saying that this one is my current favorite.