Weekly WTF?: Organ Headed Figurines

Is lunghead the new butthead? These figurines definitely deserve a WTF. They also deserve a high spot on my Christmas list.

I Most Certainly Approve: Hilarious, Passive Retaliation

I had to post this story from BoingBoing because it's so funny and it comes from my alma mater, Syracuse University!

A girl with nothing better do came to the Syracuse campus to protest homosexuality, calling it a sin and waving her big sign. (Why do they always use block letters? It's so boring. They should use their own writing for a personal touch.)

Well, some clever kid thought it'd be hilarious to give her a taste of her own medicine by criticizing her fashion sense in the same exact way.

Take a looksey:


Mission accomplished. Hilarious, passive retaliation? I most certainly approve.

Forgive Me For This: Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey covers Foreigner's "I Want To Know What Love Is" and all I want to know is why I love it so much. I'm digging the music video too. I can't embed it from YouTube, but you can watch it here. She even features a gay couple in there, which is super.

Forgive me for this - it truly is a guilty pleasure. At least her album's name is stupid ("Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel") and she's still married to Nick Cannon. If not for these huge errors of judgment, I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive myself.

I Want To Know What Love Is - Mariah Carey

Song of the Mo: Ray of Light (cover)

Not the hugest fan of Snow Patrol, but I like this cover of Madonna's "Ray of Light" enough. One of the greatest things about the original is the energy, which this one obviously lacks. However, that lack of energy surprisingly works for me and sort of redefines the perspective. Instead of speeding through space, we feel like we're floating in it, watching everything speed past us.

Homecoming Anthropology

One of my favorite things about coming home after a few months away is the new discoveries I find around the house. It seems that this time, there are a multitude of things that have changed or been added in my absence.

First up, the fridge. Now for as long as I can remember, there's always been at least one picture of me up on the fridge. Over the years, the solo shots were consolidated to group shots of all 3 siblings, in order to make room for new family members. But, it seems that all 3 of us have been booted for good. Our fridge is now dominated by my nephew, Tyler and my cousins, Jake, Lexie and Max. And, of course, for good measure, there's plenty of religious hodge-podge on the other side (not pictured). Jesus would be proud.

Now, the next thing I noticed was our pantry. I was hungry after a long flight and drive down to the house, so I thought I might hold myself over until dinner with a bowl of cereal. Well, to my surprise, as soon as I opened the pantry door, I was bombarded with an absurd amount of soup cans filling up multiple levels of shelves. I tried to logically reason this. Maybe there's a holiday canned food drive coming. Maybe my mom is one of the millions buying into the 2012 phenomenon and is just preparing for the second coming of Y2K. Maybe we're just going to eat a lot of soup for Thanksgiving. Well, I asked her. She's just stocking up. She finds coupons and I suppose it's better to buy them in bulk at a cheap price then to buy them when you need them. There's also an entire drawer in the bathroom filled with tubes of toothpaste.

The third thing that caught my eye was my old Holy Communion picture. Now, this isn't new and it hasn't changed, but I haven't noticed it in a while and it really caught my eye this time. For some reason, I just find this picture incredibly funny. I look like I'm being groomed to be the next Fox News political pundit. I can see myself stomping the White House lawn demanding tax cuts for the rich and insisting on sending immigrants back to "where they came from." That smile is pretty unctuous and I have my suspicions about my younger, religious self (mind you, I'm not sure he ever existed, but if he did, you're looking at him in this picture). I'm weary of this shifty character displayed in this obnoxiously posed portrait. I'm sure immediately after the shoot, I may have spouted off some comments praising the Reagan administration and accusing my liberal peers around me of engaging in lefty propaganda. Those are some pretty spiffy bangs too.

Some other highlights include my old bedroom with an elliptical where the bed used to be and New Moon in my mom's inbox.

Good times. Good times indeed.

Weekly WTF?: Gimme Dat Christian Side Hug

Christians are silly. I love YouTube.

These kids are operating under the belief that Jesus never hugged anyone. No, I'm not making it up - they say it in their little ditty. There's so much irony in this song that it has to be contrived. For instance, throughout the song, they rap they're "Rough Riders" - like the condom? And what's with the gunshots? - the kids all fall dead at the end of the rap acting like they got shot. Was that a stipulation put in by the NRA? But, guess what? It's for real. This actually happened at a Christian youth conference.

Oh, and FYI:

Happy Thanksgiving?

Nothing like a downer on Thanksgiving day.

Thank you, Mr. Burroughs.

W. S. Burroughs - thanksgiving prayer -
by Maetthew

I'd like to add a few more to that list:

1) Thanks for upholding the double standard, most recently displayed with Adam Lambert's same-sex kiss on national television. What was okay for Madonna and Britney (non-homos) isn't okay for the real sinners.
2) Thanks to the cleverest of Americans who find the time to create images depicting Michelle Obama as a monkey.
3) Thank you Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh (you never disappoint!), Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Bill O'Reilly for your relentlessness in pursuing "truth" in "journalism".
4) Thanks, Carrie Prejean for providing me with lots of material this year, but also for really sticking it to those who dare cross into the land of the "inappopriate".
5) Thanks to the dedicated TSA employees who threatened to report me to the cops when I refused to ruin my luggage by stuffing it in their metal, carry-on measurement contraption at the front of the airport security line.
6) And here's a SINCERE thanks to the fine reporting of Anne Curry, showcasing her talents recently whilst informing us about Paula Deen's unfortunate encounter with an 8 pound ham. Yes, puns are ALWAYS appropriate.



HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thanksgiving Tips from Helen

Helen, over at Margaret and Helen, shares with us the list of dos and don'ts she's made for her family for Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm still laughing. You tell 'em, Helen!

1. Cloe. I am begging you honey. None of that Jello crap. No one eats it and the garbage stinks for a week after I throw it out. You and Jello are like Palin and McCain. How many times before you learn no one wants seconds much less firsts.
2. Jennifer. Your children are cute. We all can agree on that. Your husband’s video camera capturing every runny nose and bowel movement– not so much. Keep this up honey and you’ll have one posing for Playgirl before you know it. It’s just not natural to be that comfortable in front of a camera. Ten minutes of video when you first arrive and then the camera goes back into the camera bag.
3. Trudy. If your brother and sister want to come, they can be on time like everyone else. If they are late again this year, they can eat what the dogs don’t finish.
4. Rhonda. It’s my oven and once again I’ll be using it right up until mealtime. If you can’t bring something that doesn’t require heating, then don’t bring anything at all.
5. Mary. Your kid’s dirty shoes and my clean sofa have never met. Let’s keep it that way.
6. If you are a meat-eater, try a vegetable for your health. If you are a vegetarian, try the stuffing for the bacon. Either way, you’ll be cured of what ails you.
7. If I see one grandchild doing that texting stuff, there will be no pie for dessert. If I see one parent checking email… scratch that – new rule. Leave your cell phone in your car. They used to be called mobile phones for a reason. Now-a-days the only thing mobile about your phone is your thumbs. Trust me. Skinny thumbs and a fat ass are not a good look.
8. Jonathan. How a Republican ended up in this family is beyond me, but we love you all the same. That said, Reagan is dead darling. Get over it.
9. I cooked the meal. Your grandfather paid for it. You can clean the kitchen and we’ll call it even.
10. Honestly, if you insist on bringing anything, bring some butter. I go through about 20 sticks to get this meal on the table and I might as well start stocking up for Christmas now.
11. Marshall. I am sure you believe that your children sing beautifully. Don’t put me in a situation where I have to make you question your beliefs.
12. Grandpa Harold says if the Longhorns win, the bar is open. If they lose, the party is BYOB.

Memory and Life

It's hard to believe that it's been almost 9 months since my father passed away. When I think back to 9 months ago, it's hard to really remember everything that was going on. I had just resigned from the Peace Corps, was taking care of my father, and in the end, was spending all day in the hospital with my step-mom and sister, amongst a cast of rotating family members and friends of my father's.

While it is so difficult to remember, I have an acute awareness to every detail of what was going on. I know this seems to contradict the whole "not remembering" thing, but it's almost as if I was outside of myself. When I think back to the memories of this time, I don't see things from my own eyes; rather, I see everything from a bird's eye view. I see myself in pictures and memories like I'm watching a film. I see snapshots, frozen in time, sometimes blurry like paintings, but completely realistic.

There are things I will always associate with this time: cell phone tetris (which I played compulsively in order to avoid all the drama that was happening when there were more than 3 people in the hospital room), the crummy parking garage at the hospital, eating cereal in the cafeteria, candied pineapple from Whole Foods, and a bunch of other stuff that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else.

I've always been fascinated with memory - mainly because I have a notoriously bad one. This year has been one of the most fascinating years of my life in term of memory retention. Everything is pretty vivid, whereas before everything was sort of murky and unimportant. It's been a pretty remarkable year. I started it as a Peace Corps volunteer in Moldova and 2 months later was at my father's funeral. I moved to Seattle and started life over again and later found myself cutting through the rugged Norwegian landscape aboard a train. And I started a new job.

If there's anything I've learned this year, it's that life is fleeting. There's no time to get lost in the complications of it. There's no time to waste in front of the TV for hours at a time. There's no time to make excuses for not going on your dream vacation. There's no time for staying in a dead end job that makes you miserable. I live by the day and I determine my future based on happiness and fulfillment. People say "life is short" all the time. Is it? It's only short if you live it this way. If I died tomorrow, I'm not so sure my life would have been cut "short". I've done a lot in my almost 27 years of life. The ratio of things that I'm proud of greatly outweighs things I regret or wish I could change. I've lived my life, and will continue to live my life, with purpose and urgency. It may seem naive, but I'm happy and satisfied.

In the vein of all of this talk of memory, I recently came upon these pictures of me, my dad and my sister that were saved on my external hard drive. Now these are times I absolutely cannot recall for the life of me - but, they're still important to me and it's nice to look at pictures in order to help fill in the blank periods of time for which I have absolutely no recollection.

Weekly WTF?: Terrorism for the Holidays

"Snow globes are not permitted to be carried through security checkpoints," said Transportation Security Administration spokesman Dwayne Baird.

Snow globe? Snow bomb, more like. Obviously.

The reason is that the globes contain liquids, and TSA rules say that only liquids, gels or aerosols in containers of three ounces or less are allowed through security in carry-on bags. Could we change our minds if we called them "freedom globes" instead?

If you've seen "Unfaithful" you know just how dangerous a snow globe can really be. The snow globe's liquid is the last thing we should be worried about.